Loathes

Before, I wrote about some of the things I love about this crazy town. Here are some of my loathes.

I LOATH how you have to drive to everything. With no centre and everything spread far and wide, there hasn't been a day where I haven't had to get in the car to get somewhere. On Sunday I walked to The Grove which is about half a mile from my house and it was so refreshing to feel my feet on ground for more than the trip from the house to the car.

Another LOATH is the advertising. I don't mind the quantity. It does jar for us Brits but you deal with it. It's the nature of it. SO much food advertising and none of it is healthy. I read somewhere, any food with an advert, won't be good for you. Never truer than in this fair country.

The aggression of other drivers is LOATHSOME though expected. In a city where one is hugely dependent on the car, at times (as in all the time) people are going to take their frustration out on each other.

Having been to a few comedy nights, I LOATH the 'ism' jokes passed off as ironic or edgy. It's all subjective and perhaps a US comic travelling to the UK would find us uptight. Whilst it is refreshing to see people comfortable to discuss race and gender, pretty much consistently I've heard something that back home, would garner gasps.

I don't LOATH but I don't like the huge obsession with celebrity. Where, back home, there's a few magazines and a few 60 second celeb round ups, here there's pages and pages of copy and hours and hours of screen time dedicated to who Suri Cruise is wearing, who Brittney Spears is screwing and what diet Blue Ivy is on. Now don't get me wrong, I love a bit of celeb goss but this has gone beyond interest and boarders on obsession, Dish Nation, Access Hollywood, E! News, TMZ are but a few shows that pick over the minute details of the celebrities lives.

I LOATH the presence of guns. I don't understand it and can't see what possible good comes from having a society where the possession of an item that's sole purpose is harm or injury to something or someone is beneficial. I guess I'm naive like that but in London, if you hear an argument in the street, you think "mm hmm. Someone's gonna get punched". Here, you think "Hide. Someone 'bout to get SHOT!". I know which situation I prefer.

Sounds a bit gripey don't it but it was actually a lot harder to put this list together than the LOVE list which is a good thing int it!

Driving break

Eric is a much better driver than me and he's got a really awesome car. I would tell you the make but I'd have to kill you (and I know nothing about car makes - unless 'bluish' is a type of car). This could go some way to explain why we both look so happy. I'm not taking my life in my hands by driving and he's behind the wheel of a proper LA wicked-mobile.

I haven't encountered the infamous LA traffic yet but I'm sure it's just a matter of time. I have, however, found my favourite road to drive - Laurel Canyon Boulevard. It's the windiest, meandering road that goes through the Hollywood Hills, crosses Mullholland Drive and dumps you in The Valleys. The road is huge fun to drive but terrifying at the same time. Who needs roller coasters when you've got Laurel Canyon Boulevard. Scream if you wanna go faster!!!!!

Driving Miss Crazy

Driving in this city has gradually stopped being my living nightmare. Everyone I spoke to before I came out said driving in LA was "a piece of piss". Well if it's a "piece of piss" I definitely have cystitis.

I guess the fact that I haven't driven on either side of the road for about five years hasn't helped.
Firstly, I don't know which way to look for impending peril so I kind of freeze, waiting for the road to clear - entirely. I'm waiting on Marathon type conditions. This nervousness and hesitancy is proving particularly popular amongst my fellow drivers who expressive their annoyance at me through the international language of Swerving Past You and Staring.

Yesterday, after an early meeting where I'd successfully navigated the mid-morning traffic, I awarded myself a car-free afternoon. I wanted to guarantee having at least one day where I hadn't hit anything.

For the first three days on the road I must have yelled "sorry!" over my shoulder at other drivers about thirty or forty times. And every time I heard a car horn I screamed "What did I do now??", even if the sound was clearly coming from miles away.

I know I'm driving way too slow for the native Los Angelenos but even with their fairly well marked roads and good signage, I still struggle to make an entire journey without, at some point, descending into a screaming flap.

After a week of negotiating the auto-hell I got a piece of advice that made me laugh. My manager said, 'don't make left turns. It'll be so much easier. Left turns are hard'.

In London or any British town or city for that matter, no left turns would make no sense what with our avent garde road layout. Just trying to get to your local supermarket would probably leave you stranded North of the Watford Gap but here, with it's elementary grid system, it is absolutely possible.

When I'm feeling more comfortable, I'll definitely challenge myself to take on more left turns, along with multistorey carparks, drive-thrus and perhaps, when I'm really confident, a high speed car chase near the 405.

One week in

Hmmm, I've been here a whole week now. The Golden Globes were last night, the weather has been awesome while I know, God is shacking his freezing dandruff all over the country back home but yet none of thing things I'd expect to happen here in Lala land have occurred. I haven't seen a single celebrity, I haven't been randomly selected for movie stardom in a grocery line. I haven't even been caught on tape getting beaten up by the po-leeece (aka Feds, po-po and 5-oh).

There was however, an incredibly tedious 'high speed' car chase on the news the other night. The newscasters could barely contain their delight as the story unfolded. They were practically willing the guy to go on the freeway so things could get 'interesting'. What actually happened was the guy ended up going round and round the same block while the newscasters tried to make each turn sound like a new development. 'Well he almost went on the 405 there but he's heading north on La Cienega... Again... Which is of course, very close to the 405... Should he choose to take it again... If you're just joining us, there's a high speed chase on near the 405, I believe on La Cienega'