Top Shop (Not)

I went into Top Shop yesterday. I was so excited when I saw the store have it's grand opening a few weeks ago. I'm not sure how virulent the Green empire's spread into the states has been but judging by the queue, Top Shop was keenly anticipated.

It's taken me a month to get round to patronising the store even though it's a few minutes walk from my gaff. Anyway, I thought I'd treat myself and get some new tops... (and where better to go). The vast difference in climate between LA and London has meant that a lot of my clothes have gone unworn (such as my Jessica Simpson faux fur coat.... what was I thinking!).

So, out of necessity I had to make some additions to the wardrobe.

There's no doubt Top Shop, located in the Grove in West Hollywood, has maintained its young, chic, hip branding, but my God, talk about over-priced! I hate to sound like a 2nd World War granny but $40 for a T-shirt? For the love of GOD!

Seriously? Weirdly, their shoes are pretty reasonably priced but the clothes, they need to have a frigging word with themselves.

I overheard a very camp sales assistant exclaim, while mid-conversation with a shopper, "Oh My God. Everyone's shopping for Rihanna today!" Evidently, RiRi had sent out her minions to purchase her bootlace wardrobe. Obviously, writing her eight lyric songs is taking up all of her energy. What with that and self-defence classes, she probably doesn't have much spare time to for shopping.

No Olive Oil

I think I'm going crazy or blind. I can't seem to find olive oil - anywhere. I've been to a couple of stores and all I can find are spray cans of extra virgin. It's not the same, people. They say it's for cooking (and, I presume, is supposed to encourage you to use less oil when you cook) but extra virgin is for dressings. It's not for frying. Why? Because it burns at a much lower temperature, that's why. It feels very strange to spray liquid into a pan. The first few times I did it, I kept checking myself, like "Shit I'm spraying deodorant on these onions". The other day, I sprayed the oil on a really small frying pan but because it creates a mist and because the flames licked up around the sides of the pan because it was so small, I created a mini fireball. That was a right laugh. NOT! This is all shades of wrong. This place sucks. I'm leaving.

Wipe clean

I went to Target the other day which is like an Argos but you're allowed to touch the stuff before you buy it. Actually, it's more than an Argos. It's a Wilkinson, Argos, Boots, HMV (Gawd rest its soul) and Aldi all rolled together. I told a lady in the elevator that I was really pleased I'd discovered Target. She told me you will never leave without spending at least $100. She was not wrong.

You can get EVERYTHING in Target. I swear to God, I saw a man leave with a Thai bride in his shopping cart. Anyway, I knew I needed a trolley and right by the train of shopping carts, was this (pictured), a cart wipes dispenser. Seriously? Are we that paranoid about disease that we need this? I know that bugs and disease can be transmitted via contact but for me, this is a step too far. As a nation, Americans seem to be the most fearful people. They seem worried about EVERYTHING. Flu was in the news every single day, for my first week here. In fact, as I left Best Buy, the greeter said "Have a nice day and don't catch the flu". Well I'll see what I can do.

Because some people had died, this has increased the terror. But, news flash, some people do die from flu. It doesn't mean that's the inevitable outcome for everyone who contracts it! I'm determined not to catch the worst contagion here, paranoia. I bet a black man, in a hoodie with the flu would give most Americans a seizure. I left target $400 poorer.