WORST COMEDY NIGHT IN THE HISTORY OF COMEDY NIGHTS

On Monday I went to an open mic night at a well-established venue. On Fridays and Saturdays they have some of the biggest names is US comedy grace their stage but on Monday night it's open mic and this can mean only one thing, stage time for the mentally unstable.

It's a long standing cliche that some people in need of a therapist sometimes gravitate towards comedy instead, well this night was for those who were close to being sectioned.

For the few amongst the throng of some 70 odd comics hoping to get on stage that night (using the painfully unfair sign up system where acts are required to sign up on a list and wait for an hour to find out if they'll be performing - a slightly fairer system that at another open mic I went to where you didn't find out if you were on until they announced you to the stage!) , who were actually genuinely funny, aspiring comedians, I have the utmost respect... and pity. Los Angeles is a merciless town to make your name as a stand up comedian. Stage time in Hollywood is at a premium and money rarely seems to change hands, certainly not in the direction of the comedian anyway.

But for every good comedian hoping to happen across that lucky break, there seem to be 10 'comics' working through issues with their parents, actors and writers doing stand up coz their manager said it would be a good idea, the odd homeless guy happy to been inside an be treated as an equal for a change, and a smorgasbord of potential rapists and serial killers.

After five acts I'd listened to a guy just shouting at the audience (in this instance, audience refers to a room full of impatient, angry comics and two unlucky punters who had stumbled into this nightmare and were too embarrassed to leave) an Hispanic man ramble on about how much he 'loved pussy' who skillfully managed to avoid telling jokes through out his entire routine and a guy who simulated sex with a woman in such a vile and aggressive manner that I walked out, partly in disgust, partly in fear. If he's gonna pick a victim out of the crowd assembled, I'm getting me a head start.

What a night. It was so awful it was funny but I could never and will never sit through one of these shows again, my soul can't take any more of it.